When thinking is not awareness

Musing on consciousness…

One day this week I got up feeling kind of ‘hmmpppfff’… I noticed a heaviness… a lowness in myself.

And immediately I started ‘becausing’…

If you don’t know what ‘becausing’ is… it’s when you notice a feeling in your body and then immediately… almost without even feeling it… go into your head and start telling yourself it’s because if this or because of that. Most of us do it most of the time… to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings… distracting and avoiding what’s there.

So my list of ‘becauses’ included…
Leaving my family for a few days to go away and do some work
Uncertainty about the work itself
Having to pack
The fact that Stephen Hawkins had died
Some committee stuff that was going on that felt like it was draining my energy
Feeling overwhelmed at moving… again

Blah blah blah! Yes all valid reasons for feeling heavy and low, but the point is… and I know this may feel a little revolutionary… it doesn’t matter why! I’ve become conscious that I feel heavy… I feel low… the point is now to feel heavy and low… be conscious of the feelings… where are they in my body? What do they feel like? To simply accept them, feel them, KNOW them (see my post about this earlier in the week).

If instead I stay in my head… becausing… and looking at why (so I can fix it… change something in order to feel something else)… I take myself away from being conscious… away from consciousness. Thinking is not awareness.