Disconnected

Disconnected
Not enough of me to share
Not enough of me for me
Low, so low… not seeing a way up

Trapped, stuck, waiting
Frustrated to always be waiting
Loss of faith and trust
In myself… in the Universe

Feeling like a victim
Hard done to, no way out
Tired of the struggle
Fearful about everything

Anger surfacing and rage
Stress is there too
Connected with feeling
Disconnected from the world

Can’t let anyone in…
What is there for them?
Nothingness… a deep well of unhappiness
Who wants that?

Pain in my solar plexus
Aching pain
Needing love
But can’t let it in – from me or others

Then a meditation, initially full of anger
Feeling the anger course through my body
And then asking my guides for help
Anger transmuting to love

Feeling better… for a while…
Then what appears to be life circumstances
Drag me back down again
Even lower than before

And then gone
Passed through
As quickly as it came
Lighter again

Feeling there’s newness to integrate
Something profound has happened
I’ve gone deeper, felt more fully
A shift in ego

The ups and downs of life
Only last week seeing few downs of late
Grateful my life allows space
To feel and for each mini death to occur…

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